December 2007
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Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
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Copyright 2007 by ConsciousDating.org All rights reserved.
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Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
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Advanced
Conscious Dating Strategies
These programs provide advanced information, strategies, and tips to help you find the love of your life.
Each program includes the MP3 audio recording, complete written transcript, and Study Guide to follow along and take notes.
Program #1- Are You Ready for Love?
Program #2- Being The Chooser
Program #3- Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate
Program #4- Conscious Dating: How to Connect to Your Life Vision
Program #5- Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
Program #6- Scouting: Where to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #7- Advanced Strategies for Sorting, Screening, and Testing
Program #8- Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
Program #9-Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1200 Miles Away
Check them out at www.ConsciousDatingAudio.com
Conscious Mating Audio Programs
When you're dating someone do you ever wonder-
"Is this the right relationship for me?"
Our Conscious Mating Audio Programs provide detailed, comprehensive strategies for dating and mating, addressing all the relationship and decision-making challenges that arise when you're single and seeking your soul mate.
These audio programs are recorded from our live tele-seminars and include the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, AND a complete PDF transcript for following along and making notes.
Program #1- Is This the Right Relationship for Me? Introduction to the Pre-commitment Stage
Program #2- Am I Ready to Be a Couple?
Program #3- Finding Lasting Love by Experiencing Your Experience
Program #4- Should We Live Together?
Program #5- Dealing With Our Baggage
Program #6- Are We Compatible?
Program #7- Sharing Our Vision
Program #8- Deciding "Is This The One?"
Program #9- When We Must Say Goodbye
Check them out at www.ConsciousMatingAudio.com
Ask Our Coaches:
I'm Pregnant! What Should I Do?
... I’m pregnant. I know for a fact that my partner doesn’t want to have children. What should I do?
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
Dear Coaches,
I’m 34, never married and am dating a divorced 36-year-old man. Neither of us has children – yet – that is. We’ve been seeing each other for about 6 months. Everything has been going well and we’re definitely committed to each other.
Now, there’s a new twist to the situation. I’m pregnant and it’s been verified by my doctor. I do know for a fact that my partner doesn’t want to have children. I will have this baby regardless of whether we remain together, but now I’m in a difficult situation. What should I do?
Cindy from Chicago
Justine responds …
Congratulations. Having a child can be one of the most rewarding accomplishments
in life. Since you have decided to have this baby, with or without your
partner’s involvement, what you need to do is simple.
Tell your partner that you are pregnant and be open to his reaction. You
have no way of knowing what that will be until it happens. So be prepared
for a variety of responses.
Remember that you are not responsible for how he reacts so try not to internalize
his feelings. He willingly participated in the act that got you pregnant
and is equally responsible. Whatever his reaction, be honest with your
intentions and let him know what you would like to happen. Give him time
to adjust.
Whether your partner embraces the fact that he’s having a child or not, you are facing many new challenges. Your relationship and life are changing. What type of support will you need? How can you get that support in order to make this a positive experience?
Whatever the outcome, I’m confident that you will do the best you can for you and your baby. Enjoy this new phase of life you’re entering.
Justine Arian | www.ThePregnancyCoach.com | 310.864.5884
Hazel responds …
First, be honest with your partner. He's the baby's father. This could have a big impact on him. You want to keep the baby -- he might feel differently.
If he was very clear about not wanting children going into the relationship, he might be hurt and angry and he might feel betrayed. On the other hand, he might change his mind when he hears you are pregnant.
I think it's important to have a very open and honest conversation with him. Depending on the outcome of the conversation, if he doesn't agree or if he's angry, I would suggest you seek the advice of a therapist who can help both of you through this.
Don't be hasty with your decision and please think, not only about what you and the father want, but also about the baby. I wish you the very best of luck.
Hazel Palache | www.TheAstonishingPowerofYou.com
Cher responds …
You stated you’ll have this baby no matter what and seem prepared to raise your child alone. However, it sounds like you want to explore what possibilities exist with the father.
Apparently, you’ve previously discussed the question of children to know that he is opposed. Since you’ve remained together, stating “everything has been going well,” either you, too, were opposed or were willing to forgo having children because the “kids or no kids” conflict is almost always an unsolvable problem -- a relationship deal-breaker.
If moral values trumped your relationship card while considering abortion or adoption, isn’t it conceivable that your partner could feel the same? Discussing children hypothetically is very different from discussing children with a pregnant woman carrying your child. Disclose this dilemma immediately to learn where he stands.
In highly-charged emotional situations such as this, it is often beneficial to have an impartial professional guiding you. Since you intend to have this baby, regardless, seek out a relationship coach. He or she can assist you in exploring possible options going forward, as either a couple, or as birth parents with specific responsibilities. Good luck Cindy as your world and waist expand.
Cher Tanner |www.FastTrackHappiness.com | 727.432.9494
Feature Article:
Soulmate Redefined
by Lisa Fredette, CTA
Soulmate. It’s a word you’ve probably mentioned when discussing a new love interest, or encountered when reading a relationship book. Or perhaps it’s something you’ve wondered about to yourself as you’ve dreamed about the man or woman you’ve recently met, or who you, one day, hope to meet.
But what exactly is a soulmate? In this month’s feature article, RCI Coach Lisa Fredette explains everything you wanted to know about soulmates … and more!
Tara Kachaturoff
Editor
Are you searching for your soulmate? Do you ever say to yourself or have
you heard others say, “I would be happy only if I could find my
soulmate”?
What exactly is a soulmate and why are we searching for one?
Soulmate: Defined
The Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia defines “soulmate” as “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity.” Is this your definition of soulmate? If not, what’s your definition?
When I found myself single again, after my divorce, soulmate was a word I used often. After a failed relationship you really begin to evaluate what you want in a future partner and believe that you should settle for no less than your true “soulmate.” Because after all, if you find your “soulmate,” your relationship is guaranteed to last, right?
All this talk of soulmates reminds me of an episode of Sex in the City. Carrie, one of the main characters, was once again struggling with her relationships and found herself reeling from yet another breakup. The ultimate question came up -- “Why are we always searching for our soulmate?”
Well the ladies decided that they would be each other’s soulmates and the men in their life would just be the men in their life. This would protect them from the pain of another breakup -- or so they thought.
This got me thinking. Is a soulmate really your other half? If that is the case, we are then searching our whole life for someone to come along and fill that void in our life, right? Seems to me that we are giving someone else a great deal of power over whether we are complete and happy in life. I’m not too comfortable with giving away my power. What about you?
Thinking of soulmate in that context forced me to re-evaluate my definition and my search for one. What I found is that I needed to be my own soulmate before I would be able to attract one. So I set out to be the person “… with whom I had a feeling of deep and natural affinity.” I figured out that if I could love myself unconditionally, then I did not “need” a soulmate to fulfill me -- when I had one -- me. Wow! Talk about empowering.
Well that revelation was only half the battle. The real challenge was learning to love myself unconditionally. After all, aren’t we all our own biggest critics? How does one learn to love oneself unconditionally? Great question!
Some of the steps that I took toward loving myself unconditionally were through
1) Forgiveness,
2) Gratitude, and
3) Acknowledgement
Forgiveness
Personally, I think forgiveness is the most important element. If you are not willing to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes, you will never be able to love yourself unconditionally.
A great definition of forgiveness is “letting go of the belief that you can change the past.” Isn’t that so true? Isn’t forgiveness really about accepting what happened and moving forward? The inability to forgive keeps you stuck in the past, re-living the mistakes or injustices over and over again.
Recently, I heard on the Oprah show about another way of looking at forgiveness. It was stated that when one is unwilling to forgive, it is like taking a daily poison and hoping the other person will die. In reality, it is you who is slowly dying day by day. So I say -- take back your power and begin to forgive yourself and others, today!
Gratitude
Gratitude is another important concept. Living in gratitude allows you to appreciate yourself and the world around you. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to turn your focus from all the perceived negativity in your life, to the positive. Try it. Complete this sentence: “I am grateful for ….”
Acknowledgment
Finally, acknowledgements are just as important. Can you finish this sentence: “I acknowledge myself for …”? For many, this is tough. Acknowledgements force you to look at all that you can and have accomplished in your life. Again, an acknowledgement journal is great for this. Take the time, daily, to acknowledge yourself. You will finally find out how wonderful you really are.
If you incorporate these small steps into your life, every day, you will start to love and appreciate yourself. And before you know it you will have unconditional love for yourself and will have found your true soulmate!
Copyright © 2007 by Lisa Fredette. All rights reserved in all media.
Lisa
A. Fredette | CTA Certified Life Coach
Passionate About Life Coaching
www.lisafredette.com
coach@lisafredette.com
Bonus Article:
Internet Dating FAQs
by Sandra Rohr
Internet dating is as popular as ever. Still, there are some singles who question how helpful it might be and if it’s the best way of meeting that special someone. Whatever your thoughts about the topic, RCI Coach Sandra Rohr explores the answers to these and other questions as she offers helpful advice in this month’s bonus article.
Tara Kachaturoff
Editor
Q: How effective is the internet for finding someone to date?
A: Actually, it’s quite easy to meet people on the internet because everyone there is looking for some sort of connection, although not everyone is looking for the same sort of connection. And not everyone you meet will be a potential partner.
When I started dating using the internet, I wanted to meet my life partner and get married right away. Things didn’t work out that way, and at first, I was disappointed. But looking back on the last 10 years and thinking about the important relationships I have had during that time, I recognized that what I really needed was the experience of growth. And each of those relationships brought me that.
I have learned much about relationships and about life and about being with a partner, even though none of the men I dated was my life partner. Further, the time I spent with each one was so sweet and has left so many wonderful memories that I can in no way regret any of them. So make use of the internet for what it’s good for: meeting others, and be less concerned about the immediate outcome.
Q: How does someone know if online dating is the right thing for them to do? If going online is simply not an option, what's the next best way to meet someone?
A: I encourage my clients to be open to growth and to be willing to stretch their comfort zones. When I began to date on the internet, I was terrified! But I had a friend who met her partner that way and I faced down my fears, which is always a growth experience in itself. Having said that, if you are really fearful with the whole idea, not just uncomfortable, then don’t do it. You should never do something that really makes you fearful.
The truth is that we can meet our partner anywhere. Kathryn Alice, the
author of Love
Will Find You
Are you passionate about the environment? You will find similar people in the Sierra Club, or involved in political groups focused on the environment. Places of worship are time-honored venues where you can meet a partner. The important considerations in choosing a group are that the group espouse your deeply held beliefs and give you the opportunity to socialize as well. You should also feel comfortable and confident within the group.
Q: Many singles wonder if online dating is safe. Is it? Are there any special precautions someone should take?
A: When I began to date online, the best advice columnists insisted that online dating was unsafe, and that no one should consider it. And it is true that you can meet some real jerks online. But it is also true that you can meet some real jerks in your church. Or at work. Or in the apartment right next door to you.
The important thing is not where you meet someone, but that when you meet that person, you tune in both to your intuition and to your common sense. Some basic safety rules are:
• Only give out your phone number when you have exchanged enough through email to feel comfortable doing so.
• If you give out a phone number, use your cell phone number, which is not linked in a directory to your home address.
• Meet in person only after talking on the phone to the point you feel comfortable doing so.
• When you meet, do so in a public place.
• Don’t provide your home address until you are comfortable doing so.
• Look for consistency between the person’s words and actions; if at any time you get a red light—or even a flashing yellow light—listen to your intuition and bail.
Q: How do you help your clients get started with online dating?
A: I start by coaching them to become conscious of their deepest values and what they absolutely require in a mate, as well as their own needs and wants. This step is vital.
Then, because I was an English teacher in a former life, I am uniquely qualified to help them write an appealing profile. I point out the importance of having a recent, flattering—but not glamorous—photo. Finally, I help them post their information on the dating website of their choice.
It's not a difficult process, but it's helpful to work with a relationship coach, experienced with online dating, to create an effective profile which will help you attract that special someone.
Sandra Rohr, M.A., is a certified Life Purpose Coach
and relationship coach, who specializes in helping singles to connect with
their life partners, and couples to establish and maintain strong relationships.
www.yourpersonallovecoach.com
Copyright © 2007 by Sandra Rohr. All rights reserved in all media.
Conscious Dating Resources
F`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-seminarsF`ree monthy Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
New! Conscious Dating Audio Programs
- Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50
- Conscious Dating at a Distance: What to Do When You're Attracted to Someone 1500 Miles Away
- Ten Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate in 2007
- Conscious Internet Dating: Using Your Computer to Find Your Soul Mate
- Check Out Our Advanced Consicous Dating Strategies Audio Package
- New! Conscious Mating Audio Programs
Visit our website at www.ConsciousDating.org for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:
" Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"
" Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
" Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"
" Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts
" Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
For More Information
ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship
Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated
to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'.
For more information about us, please visit our web site at www.consciousdating.org
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NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner
quest! WHAT NOW?
Visit www.ConsciousMating.org for
cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you
did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
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Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and
couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship
Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
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Links to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, Conscious Dating Newsletter for
Singles tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
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Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org
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