January 2007

In this issue:

Ask Our Coaches: Am I Fated to be Single?
Feature Article: Making Space in Your Life for Love
Bonus Article: Dating Myths 1-6
Recommended Reading for Singles
Conscious Dating Resources
Important ConsciousDating.org Information
Questions or Comments About the Newsletter

Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Available NOW at www.ConsciousDating.com

Exclusively For Our Subscribers!

Conscious Dating
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic
www.ConsciousDatingTeleclinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

"I am completely enjoying, applying, and achieving good results from what I'm learning in Conscious Dating.

You and your team are wizards in relationships and true gifts to us singles in today's world."
~Susan Race, Exton, PA

Welcome!
This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"

Announcements

New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles

February Program
Thursday, February 1, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Love After 50

With Frankie Doiron and David Steele

We have been asking singles to tell us their biggest challenges with Conscious Dating and the overwhelming number of responses mention how difficult it is to find love after 50, especially for women.

So join Frankie and myself as we tackle the biggest, most vexing problem facing singles today- how to find love after 50.

Our brand new Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series for Singles meets the first Thursday of each month.

Mark your calendar right now. You WILL want to attend these outstanding programs!

Can't make it? No problem! Each program in recorded and you can get the MP3 audio file for playing on your computer, MP3 player (iPod or other), or burning onto a CD, a complete written transcript for following along and making notes and immediate access to the recorded program via telephone replay line and link to presenter's notes and other supplementary information here.

A New Year's Gift to Our Readers-

To listen to the replay of our January program-

How to Find Your Soul Mate in 2007

(Highly recommended!) Dial 405-244-4000 ext. 437

New! Free Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

This is a monthly conference call exclusively for single readers of David Steele's book Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

Feeling stuck?
Got a question about some aspect of Conscious Dating?
Frustrated with dating altogether?
Want some free advice and coaching?

This Tele-Clinic is for you!

Led by David Steele, Frankie Doiron, and guest RCI coaches, we want to personally help you find the love of your life and the life that you love.

When: Third Thursday of each month, 6:30pm pacific/9:30pm eastern

Duration: 90 minutes

How to Join: It's free! Simply register here

Thanks so much for being a Conscious Dating reader and we look forward to having you join us!

New! Conscious Dating Spot Coaching Now Available

Feeling Stuck?
Want Expert Help NOW?

Conscious Dating Spot Coaching is a one-time consultation to address a specific problem or challenge you're experiencing with dating and relationships.

Sometimes, when you're feeling stuck, there's no substitute for the life-changing clarity that a conversation with a good coach can provide. Some of our clients have told us that one hour of coaching can be more effective than ten years of therapy!

Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed and you will receive a full refund if you are not satisfied that you received the best value possible.

www.ConsciousDatingSpotCoaching.com

Free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series:

January Program
Thursday, January 11, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

with Terry Real

Historically in the Western world, one model for long-term relationships has been the companionable marriage. Passion and deep emotional connection were for lovers, not spouses.

In the latter part of the 20th century, we woke up and began wanting more from relationships. The new paradigm is a truly intimate marriage – intellectually, physically and emotionally. These new demands fly in the face of our historical experiences and expectations, often creating conflict. Traditional therapy does not always resolve that conflict. This program presents a new skill set for couples who want fulfilling relationships.

In this teleseminar you will learn:

Why so many current relationships are not ‘truly intimate’ relationships
How partners can use a "Relationship Grid" to visualize and implement positive feedback to one another
How you can get what you want, give what your partner needs, and have the great relationship you deserve

No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available free at www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest

For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World on February 14, 2007 (Valentine's Day) we'll announce the results of our first annual-

Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest

We're awarding an iPod loaded with 20 of our best Conscious Relationship Audio Programs ($369.00 value) to-

- Best male success story
- Best female success story
- Referrer of best male success story
- Referrer of best female success story

This means that if you know someone who could benefit from reading Conscious Dating, or someone who has read it and has a great success story, YOU can also get an iPod by referring them!

Submissions will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating book. Current and past members and staff of Relationship Coaching Institute are not eligible to enter this contest. All submissions become property of Relationship Coaching Institute and by entering this contest entrants grant us permission to publish their story online and in print.

- Do you have a success story to share? Go immediately to www.consciousdating.com/contest.htm

- Know anyone with a success story to share? Please forward this announcement to them!

- Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story in the making? With 6 months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com

Let the contest begin!

Ask Our Coaches:
Am I Fated to Be Single?

I think if I was meant to be with someone he would have found me by now. ...

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Question for August: Am I fated to be single?

Dear Coaches,

I’m a 38 year old single woman. I’ve never been married. I haven’t dated all that much, but did have several short relationships that didn’t go anywhere. They just fizzled out.

I don’t get it. I’m attractive, physically fit, have a great job, and own a home. I have everything I could possibly want in life -- except the right person.

It seems that all my friends, gals and guys, easily found the right person. They met in school, at a party, through church, and before you knew it … married.

I hate to say this, but I think I was meant to be single. I think if I was meant to be with someone he would have found me by now.

I still want to get married and have a family, but I’m still waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Do you think it’s my fate to be single?

Sarah from San Antonio

Lisa responds …

Congratulations for acknowledging all of your great attributes. There’s no question you’re someone who has much to bring to a relationship. Perhaps the only thing that’s missing for the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate is what your ideal relationship looks like.

Write down all the things you would want to experience in a relationship. How does it feel, what will you do, etc. This will begin the process of attracting the right person to your life. After you’ve completed this process, begin to look at what your ideal mate would be like. List all the things you want to have in your partner. It’s important to be specific when considering the things you desire.

There are no right or wrong answers, just your desires. This process will help you attract the type of person who meets your ideal criteria, and in turn, fulfills your ideal relationship. Do the work, believe in the process, and soon you’ll have that which you seek.

Lisa A. Fredette | www.lisafredette.com| coach@lisafredette.com |814.594.5817

Caroline responds …

Happy New Year! I’m happy to see your clear description. My first thought is that you speak of everything as if it is just “luck,” whereas I see you’ve worked hard to put in place a home and a great job! Your looks and health are also areas where you’ve obviously put in some effort.

We typically get results in the areas where we do the work.

Here are three ideas to consider:

#1 You may have told your unconscious mind that you’re meant to be single. Your unconscious mind will believe you and act accordingly – that is, it will do nothing to change the situation!

#2 You may be giving out signals to others that you have a perfect life, and that anyone getting close to you might mess up that perfect picture.

#3 If you don’t wish the two items above to be true of you, now is the time to go out and show positive interest in all the Mr. Rights you will suddenly see around you! It’s not luck. Make the enjoyable effort to go out and show your real interest in making a successful life with another highly suitable person.

You may want to consider working with an RCI coach who can help you to look at your situation differently. He or she can work with you on understanding your values, setting your goals, and helping you to learn about new behaviors which will help you find your Mr. Right.

Caroline Minto
consultcm@virtualcom.it

David responds...

Dear Sarah,

RCI coaches Lisa and Caroline above gave you excellent advice and I couldn't have said it better myself!

Here are some actions I recommend for you and all our readers that share your situation-

1. Listen to the replay of "How to Find Your Soul Mate in 2007" at 405-244-4000 ext. 437

2. Read Conscious Dating thoroughly and carefully

3. Join our Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic on January 18th and the third Thursday of the month thereafter

4. Sign up for Conscious Dating Spot Coaching, a one-time service for getting past your stuck places

5. Be sure to join our next Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Conscious Dating for Boomers. Even though you're not a boomer you share the same situation and the same strategies apply

My best wishes for living the life you love with the love of your life.

David Steele, MA, LMFT, Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute

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Relationship Readiness Quiz

Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org? Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor

New Year's Resolutions for Singles

In 2007… As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… when in relationship, to not lose myself and to speak my truth with grace and dignity

… to not get caught up in feeling deprived or lonely, or for settling for less than the conscious, spiritual partnership I deserve

… most of all, to love myself first and foremost, and to live my own life with courage, love and passion.

Lori Rubenstein | www.daretotranscend.com

In 2007… As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… to be not so much aware of my singleness, but of my wholeness; at this point I stand alone, and capable, yet ready for love

… to show others a wonderful example of not settling for ‘cheap’ relationships, but being precious enough to myself to attract only those who share my life values and standards

… to bring joy to the important people and activities in my life, for they enrich me. Living in this way I become more attractive and happy. Then, suddenly, great things happen!

Caroline Minto
consultcm@virtualcom.it

In 2007… As a Conscious Single, I resolve

… to love myself first and foremost so that I am able to love another

… to take full responsibility for my own happiness and to expect only the best from my relationships

… to fill each day with fun, joy, and love.

Sandra Rohr | www.yourpersonallovecoach.com

Feature Article:
Making Space in Your Life for Love

by Shirley Vollett

“Stress and intimacy are virtually incompatible. When you are preoccupied with anxiety or exhausted from over-commitment, you can’t be available to become fully invested in the welfare of another human being. And you can’t find the unstructured, leisurely time in which intimate relationships thrive.”

-Susan Page from If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

Is there space in your life for love?

Recently, a single client of mine expressed real frustration with the fact that she was still not in a relationship. Then she went on to talk about how overworked she felt and how she could never find a moment of time for herself, let alone for the things she loved to do. She felt frazzled, burned-out and discouraged.

My client saw work and relationship as separate areas of complaint. Naturally, she was surprised when I suggested there might be a connection between them. It seemed to me her lack of relationship was at least partially related to her lack of time and space for herself and for her own self-care. Not only was there no time for her, but there wasn’t any for a relationship either!

We Need to Make Space for Relationships

My client is not unique. Many of us find it challenging to create time to take good care of ourselves.

“If there was a man in my life, I’d make time,” she insisted. However, I believe that if she waits for a man to show up before she makes time, she may be waiting a long while!

Here is my “first-make-space” principle:

If you desire something, first create a space or vacuum in your life for what you desire. Then, what you desire will be drawn to you.

My client was waiting for a man to show up, before creating any room or space for him to show up into. Far from creating a vacuum, her lifestyle was actually signaling, “Stay away! I’m too stressed and full-up already!”

A Two-Step Solution to Making Space in Your Life

Step 1: Challenge Your Assumptions

So what can she do? First, I invited her to challenge her justifications for her stress and overwork which included:
“It’s just the way my job is,” “Everybody has stress,” and “You don’t know my boss!”

I notice there are always abundant reasons to not take the time or create the space we need to care for ourselves. In this day and age, it almost seems stylish to be skirting burn-out. It’s as if we’re all competing for the title of “Most Stressed and Overworked”.

I believe we need to give up stress as a badge of honor. What if we were to seek the title of “Most happy with the pace of my life” or “More time to myself this week than I needed?”

Step 2: Commit to Your Self-Care

Second, I encouraged my client to make a commitment to her own self-care and well-being. That meant cultivating habits and activities that would have her be at her best, with the energy and inspiration to express her gifts in her work and relationships.

Self-care is a very personal thing. It doesn’t look the same for everyone. Therefore, it is important that my client develop the habits and practices that work for her. A quiet walk in the woods might be the quintessential self-care act for one person, while for someone else, it might be an afternoon of power-shopping, or a good long run.

My client got excited as we began to explore ideas about what really nurtured her physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. As she takes better care of herself, I know my client will feel happier, less needy and more loving. She’ll also increase her capacity to attract and welcome a loving relationship into her life.

Shirley Vollett, Life & Relationship Coach / www.shirley.vollett.com / shirley@vollett.com / 604.924.3367

Bonus Article:
Dating Myths 1 - 6

by RCI Coaches

Myth #1: No one will date me because I’m too old.

Think about how happy 80-year olds can be when they meet in the nursing home, and feel sixteen again! We wonder if we can start again to be interested in and interesting to someone else, especially after heartbreak. It’s hard not to feel one hundred years old, well past our sell-by date, and have it written all over our face!
On a more serious note, there are thousands of sixty-something’s, raving and behaving like promiscuous teenagers, despite the warnings they aren’t immune to sexual diseases that afflict our society.

We know at RCI that this is not the stuff of our clients. You hardly dare to hope for the simple beauty of a fine friendship and for love and commitment to follow. Yet, at a mature age, we can offer wisdom and the understanding that kindness is above all other things. There are certainly others who have this to offer to us as well.

There is someone out there who is waiting for you right now. He or she is learning to deal with the same issues as you -- those things which are keeping him or her from a beautiful shared future. By working with an RCI coach, you can help build your confidence based on sound, realistic truths. The myth of “age” is self-fulfilling, as they all are. Instead, decide to be interesting, interested, and caring, and you’ll attract a fine character to you.

Myth #2: Men won’t date powerful, independent women.

Women have been programmed to believe we must be quiet, mousy, and submissive, yet often, men are frightened of the weight of carrying such a dependent woman! Underneath, we may be the bright, capable CEO, but we feel it is more feminine to hide it, and so we lose opportunity after opportunity.

If we are powerful and independent we cannot live our life hiding that fact and still expect to be happy and fulfilled. The right person for us is one who will appreciate our qualities. A powerful woman, who is with a man who doesn’t value these characteristics, will experience frustration. This is telling her that she’s in the wrong relationship – not that her qualities are wrong!

Powerful, independent people, men and women alike, need to be aware of their personality styles when interacting with others. We need to make sure that our behavior is suitable to the occasion and to the person with whom we are interacting. More information about different personality styles may be found at www.peoplemapssystem.com.

Caroline Minto
consultcm@virtualcom.it

Myth #3: I guess I was just meant to be alone.

There is nothing wrong with you, nothing unlovable about you. Take a breath and read that again. Every time you go on the “hunt” for a mate, you’re not only the magnificent package you present, but also you’re the energy vibration of all of your beliefs. Imagine that you look exceptional and everyone sees your beautiful exterior; but they also notice the energetic sign on your head that says, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m too old for anyone to love.”

People you meet are responding to what they see externally as well as to the vibration of the inner beliefs you have about yourself and relationships. Whatever you hold in your mind, consciously and subconsciously, will be what you create in your life. Called the Law of Attraction, it works whether you are conscious of it or not.

You aren’t “meant” to be alone unless that is what you choose. If you choose to have a life partner, examine your beliefs. Heal and release them, and affirm that you will now allow yourself to have that partner. You are meant for whatever your heart desires. If that includes a life partner, then begin the internal clearing process by examining your inner beliefs.

Susan Ortolano, M.A. | www.radiantpathways.com

Myth #4: If you’re single and in your thirties, you’ll probably be single for life.

Your thirties are the best time to find a partner. It is only during this stage in our lives that we have a clear understanding of who we are, what we want in life and how we want our future to look. These are key factors in attracting a compatible partner.

Until this point, often we’re still defining ourselves. As a result, we attract people who help us learn about ourselves, but who are not necessarily meant to be there for the long term. In our thirties, we’re in a place with a more clear understanding of who we are. That allows us to attract people who support our vision and can lead to a more fulfilling and long-term relationship.

The hard work is behind us. Now is the time for us to reap the great rewards. We need to enjoy our thirties as it is the beginning of the best time of our lives.

Lisa A. Fredette | www.lisafredette.com| coach@lisafredette.com |814.594.5817

Myth #5: No one will date me because I’m overweight.

In our society we’re told at every turn that only the slim and fit are ever going to find a partner. And it’s true there are those who would never consider anyone who is even an ounce over “ideal” weight.

However, we can look around us and see something very different. First, consider all the wedding dresses (and rental tuxedos) available in plus sizes. Someone is wearing those wedding dresses -- size 18, 22, 24 …. I can assure you that no manufacturer is going to make garments unless there’s a need.

Next, look around you at real-life couples. You’ll see couples of all shapes and sizes. Know there are some people who simply are not enchanted by the ultra-thin, some who even like the warmth and softness of a plush body.

The key is to accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are -- thighs, belly, chins and all. Make a list of all the absolutely wonderful things about yourself. Start with your body. Consider how well it has served you, how well it pleases you. Look closely for your best physical features, and list them. As you list them, feel deep appreciation for how wonderful they are.

Next, list all the non-physical attributes that make you a wonderful person and friend, and that will make you a wonderful romantic partner. Allow yourself to feel the wonder of you; to fall in love with yourself.

Adopting this new attitude, you’ll stand differently, walk differently, and look others in the eye boldly. You’ll allow your wonderful personality to show through because you won’t be rejecting you before you can be rejected. People tend to believe what we “tell” them about ourselves just by the way we show up. If we feel that we’re good enough, others will think so, too.

Myth #6: There’s only one right person for everyone.

If this is true, then few have any hope of having satisfying, life-long relationships. What if that one right person lives on the other side of the world, and our paths never cross? What if that one right person is already married? What if we have been married to that one right person, but he or she dies or the marriage fails? Are we then destined to be forever alone and lonely?

It’s true that when we are in the midst of a wonderful relationship, it feels as though this is the only person we could ever love, and when that relationship comes to an end, we feel as though we could never love again. However, observe all the people who have been married, thinking that this is the one right partner, who, when widowed or divorced, go on to find a new, even more wonderful relationship.

The truth is that we are created for love, and we can love—deeply and with great satisfaction—many times. Each time we love, that is the one right person for that time. So allow yourself to love and be loved and rejoice in all you have to gain from each relationship.

Sandra Rohr | www.yourpersonallovecoach.com

Conscious Dating Resources

Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org and join (no charge) for cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"
Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"
Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts
Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org

Exclusively For Our Subscribers

Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series

February 1, 2007: Conscious Dating for Boomers: Finding Your Soul Mate After 50

www.ConsciousDatingSeminars.com

Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic

www.ConsciousDatingTeleClinic.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

January 11, 2007: The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

February 8, 2007: How to Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It

www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast and Audio Programs

www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach

NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.PartnersInLife.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.

Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

Links to Us

Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org and become a member (no charge)!

Relationship Coaching Institute
Complimentary introductory training! www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

To subscribe to this newsletter

Please refer singles your care about to ConsciousDating.org

BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Fr,ee live monthly tele-seminars! www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

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January 2007

Announcements

Ask Our Coaches: Am I Fated to Be Single?

Relationship Readiness Quiz

New Year's Resolutions for Singles

Feature Article: Making Space in Your Life for Love

Bonus Article: Dating Myths 1 - 6

Recommended Reading for Singles

Conscious Dating Resources

For More Information

Links to Us

Ask Our Coaches:
Am I Fated to Be Single?

Feature Article:
Making Space in Your Life for Love

Bonus Article:
Dating Myths 1 - 6