March 2006

In this issue:

Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Available NOW at www.ConsciousDating.com

New! Free!

David Steele
Founder and CEO,
Relationship Coaching Institute

Cindy Briolotta, President
Relationship Coaching Network

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff
Editor | Conscious Dating News
Email

Copyright 2006 by ConsciousDating.org
All rights reserved.

Welcome!
This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"

Conscious Dating Book Now Available

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World is now available for immediate shipping!

Visit www.consciousdating.com for FREE:

• Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter of the book
• PDF download of three complete chapters

To order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family member in time for the holidays, visit www.consciousdating.com or use this direct order link

FREE Audio CD with each book!
(available for a limited time while supplies last)

Ask Our Coaches:
He's Cheap: Stay or Skate?

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

This Month's Question: He's Cheap: Stay or Skate?

Dear Coaches,

I am a 27-year old, single, marketing analyst and he's a 35 year old, single, attorney. Neither of us has been married before. I met my boyfriend on Match.com about 3 months ago. We really hit it off. We both "advertised" that we were looking to find someone who wanted a committed relationship leading to marriage. Everything has been going well for the most part. We have met the families and friends, we have a lot in common, and we have similar goals for the future.

The one thing I can't deal with is his being cheap. When we go out to dinner, we always need to use a coupon. He scrutinizes receipts as if everyone is trying to rip him off. He's always talking about this or that when it comes to spending money. This behavior drives me nuts!

When I was growing up, money was sparse and a difficult topic in our household. So, from that standpoint, I understand my feelings around it. I can't see myself dealing with this long-term and I definitely couldn't handle it in marriage. Money seems to be bring out the strangest behavior in some people -- and certainly so in my boyfriend. Do you think I should talk to him about this? I know people don't change. Do you think this is too big and too deep an issue to bother with? Should I move on and cut my losses?

Lisa from San Diego

Marcia responds …

You've run into a deal-breaker, and yes, you should move on. You answered your own question when you said "the one thing I can't deal with is his being cheap" and "I can't see myself dealing with this long-term and I definitely couldn't handle it in marriage." There's your answer.

Now, I have a question for you: Do you really think he will ever change? Don't be afraid to move on from a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Marcia Augustine | Dating Coach
marcia.augustine@dairemount.com | 770.499.8932

Janice responds …

Singles need to determine if the person they're dating has what I like to call "enduring qualities." Some of these characteristics include honesty, kindness, generosity, caring, loyalty, and trustworthiness. These attributes and characteristics are essential for creating and sustaining a committed relationship.

The man you're dating sounds far from being generous, kind and trustworthy. You could tell him how his behavior with money makes you feel and ask that he change. However, even if he does, concerns about money might continue to be a life-long challenge for him, and for whomever he marries. In the end, it is up to you to determine if this behavior is acceptable to you before considering a future together.

Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. | www.DoctorLoveCoach.com
212.874.1470 | Janice@DoctorLoveCoach.com

Sandra responds …

How wise of you to consider your bottom-line requirements! When we ignore the most basic elements of who we are and what we require in a relationship, we get into trouble. Congratulations for being courageous and facing this issue squarely.

Let me assure you that people can change—if they care to and if what they are trying to change is not one of their core traits. You say that you understand why you feel the way you do about money, but it would be important for both you and him to learn why he has such issues.

It would be useful to discuss this with him, first, because this may be something that he has never considered consciously before, and second, because he deserves to know how he appears to others. If this is something he is willing to work on, you might be able to salvage the relationship.

If reading my last statement created a sinking feeling in your stomach, it could be that you’re ready to leave this relationship for other reasons as well. I wish you the best of luck as you deal with this issue.

Sandra Rohr | WellSprings Coaching
sandy@wellspringscoaching.com | 714.774.8540

Randy responds …

There are two important questions here:

1. How strong are your feelings for him (and his for you)?

2. How capable are the both of you of changing your attitudes and behaviors?

There's nothing wrong with using coupons, checking the bill, and otherwise being frugal. This will help pay for a house, a car, or possibly your children's education. On the other hand, it can be overdone or be inappropriate if he is rude to you or to others when it comes to this issue.

He may not be aware of your visceral reaction to money issues, and if you were able to make him aware of it in a constructive way, there is a possibility he would modify his behavior. Maybe there are opportunities for compromise such as he brings the coupons and you check the bills.

All relationships have problems. Emotionally mature people who are strongly interested in one another can and do change for the better.

Consider this as a test to assess how much he is interested in you and the relationship and how capable he is of dealing constructively with you on this issue. This is a good testing ground to see how you both will be able to handle other issues when they come along.

Randy Hurlburt | www.ConsciousDatingSanDiego.com
randy@consciousdatingsandiego.com | 858.455.0799

Peter responds …

Money issues are among the top relationship issues that can drive a wedge between partners. You seem to have a handle on your history, perspectives and feelings around money. A wise approach might be for you and your partner to have a frank discussion, with a professional coach if necessary, around your individual feelings and attitudes around this topic. It sounds as if both of you are responsible and accountable for your money; however, you just show up in different ways when it comes to how you view spending money.

Your conversation can reveal where the two of you agree and disagree when it comes to your beliefs, feelings, and needs around money. First, you need to find common ground around issues such as spending and saving for the short and long term. Next, you might explore ways you can support each other with other attitudes around money, in a way that respects each other’s views.

All along, it is important that both of you respect and support each other’s needs. Such a conversation could be the start of a wise investment in both your financial well-being and your relationship together.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. | SpiritHeart: Integrated Coaching
pvajda@spiritheart.net | 770.804.9125

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Relationship Readiness Quiz

Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org? Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.

Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor

Feature Article

Ten Things You Can Do Right Now To Find Your Perfect Mate

by David Steele
CEO & Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute

1. Start by losing the losers

If you want to find your soul mate, you must be available and not involved with people who aren't right for you.

2. OK, available now? Next... are you "ready?"

Do you have any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Get it handled now!

3. Next, make a list your top five requirements

Your requirements are the “must haves” in your relationship, otherwise you would not enter into the relationship or you would leave if you were in it. Make a list of your non-negotiable deal-breakers and vow not to get involved with anyone who doesn't meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and to lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let's get crystal clear about this "dating" thing

If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

• Scouting: This is the process of finding compatible people to meet, whether through internet dating sites, through friends, through getting out there, etc.

• Sorting: This is about quickly determining if someone you meet has potential. You’ll need to have your top five requirements handy.

• Screening: This step is concerned with collecting enough information about the other person to determine if your requirements would be met.

• Testing: This step involves dating a few times so that you can compare the reality with the information you gathered.

That's it... nothing more, nothing less. No "trial" relationships, no fun flings -- just these four steps.

5. Get support

Don't do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!

Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you're looking for someone and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy

Success breeds success, just as misery loves company. It’s your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!

Go after what you want and don't simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!

If you settle for less, you'll get less. Ask for what you want and say "no" to what you don't want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you're single

"If you build it, they will come" (from the movie "Field of Dreams").

©2006 by David Steele. All rights reserved in all media.

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World. www.consciousdating.com

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Dating Lessons

Lesson #1: When Searching for Mr. or Ms. Right, Look Out for Mr. or Ms. Wrong!

The qualities of Mr. or Ms. Wrong versus Mr. or Ms. Right center on key relationship issues. Some of these include addictions, violence and other destructive habits, emotional and financial stability, reciprocity in meeting mutual needs, your partner’s relationship with your family and friends, and his or her attitude toward committed relationships and marriage.

A marriageable partner, a Mr. or Ms. Right, has positive characteristics in all these areas (doesn’t abuse drugs or alcohol, gets along well with your family, etc.). A less-than-suitable Mr. or Ms. Wrong possesses negative characteristics in these areas (takes illegal drugs or picks constant fights with you).

Enjoy the attention you receive when beginning a new relationship, but don’t fall for that attention until you get to know the other person better. If you look out for deal-breaking traits from the very start of your relationship, you’ll will protect your emotions and allow yourself to open your heart to the right person.

Marcia Augustine |www.emotionalwavelengths.com
marcia.augustine@dairemount.com | 770.499.8932

Lesson #2: Know When to Say No!

When you were two years old, you had no trouble saying “no” and with every fiber of your being. As adults, we have lost the ability to stand up for ourselves, even though that two-year-old still exists inside of us. The key to knowing when to say “no” is to tune into that inner child. Feeling tightness in your stomach? Experiencing frequent headaches? Are you in situations that leave you feeling used or unappreciated? These are clues that it is time to pay attention to your feelings.

While I wouldn’t suggest that you scream “no” like a two year old, try standing up for yourself. Consider what makes you uncomfortable and ask yourself what resolution you would like. Write down some responses that you can deliver calmly. Then find a good friend with whom to practice your delivery. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself and to meet your own needs first. Learn how to say “no” to wrong situations, so you can say “yes” to the right ones.

Sandra Rohr | WellSprings Coaching
sandy@wellspringscoaching.com | 714.774.8540

Many singles don't pay attention to the red flags waving in front of them. They ignore the warning signs, hoping the person will change and the red flags will go away. However, this rarely happens.

When we're in love we can be blind to relationship red flags. This is where friends and family can help. Introduce your date to them early on in the process. Then, pay attention to what they have to say. Your friends and family know you well and can often spot red your relationship red flags well before you do.

Kathy Stafford |
kathy@relationshipsuccessexperts.com | 704.795.9596

Sadly, when we accept this defeatist attitude, not only do we fail to enjoy the life we have, but also we are far less likely to attract a partner. So what do we do? Get out there and live! Create a delicious, fabulous, gorgeous, and satisfying life. Pursue your passions with passion. Seek out and join groups of people who love what you love. Expand your circle of friends. Travel. Take lessons. Volunteer. Take yoga. Throw parties. Get high on life. When that special partner does appear, he or she will be the absolute icing on the cake! Go for life!

Sandra Rohr | WellSprings Coaching
sandy@wellspringscoaching.com | 714.774.8540

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Conscious Dating Resources

Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org and join for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:

• Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"

• Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz

• Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"

• Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts

• Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach

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Conscious Dating Coaches Around the World

The following are classes for singles being offered by Certified and Master RCI Coaches (trained by and affiliated with Relationship Coaching Institute). Some are offered locally, and some are teleclasses that you can join from wherever you are!

TELE-SEMINARS

Ten Things You Can Do Right Now to Find Your Perfect Mate (Group Discussion)

When: Tuesday, March 14, 2006, 8:00 – 9:00 pm EST
Where: Teleclass, send a blank email to teleseminar0314@aweber.com to register
Contact: Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff,
Master Certified Relationship Coach for Singles
www.relationshipplanning.com, 248.723.1926

Love's Fire - Eternal Journey

Description: Join world-famous author Tianna Conte-Dubs in an intensely personal look into what soulmates really are, and how to re-invent yourself from the ashes of a significant relationship broken by divorce or death.

When: Wednesday, March 15, 10:30 PM Eastern Time (7:30 PM Pacific Time)
Where: Teleclass, Call-in number: 865-362-4250 and the caller pin is 7947#
Contact: Randy Hurlburt, randy@ConsciousDatingSanDiego.com, 858.455.0799

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For More Information

ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org

Free

Conscious Relationship Resources
www.ConsciousRelationshipResources.com

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series

March 9: Marry Yourself First with Ken Donaldson

April 13: Secrets of Married Men with Scott Haltzman

May 11: Creating Love Beyond Words with Pat Love

www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast

www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Conscious Relationship Article Bank

www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com

Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach

NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?

Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.PartnersInLife.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.

Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!

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Links to Us

Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org and become a member for Free!

Relationship Coaching Institute
Free introductory training! www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Free resources for singles and couples www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org

To subscribe to this newsletter

Please refer singles your care about to ConsciousDating.org

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Copyright 2006 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.

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