February 2006
Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World
Available NOW at www.ConsciousDating.com
New! Free!
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com
Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com
Conscious Relationship Articles
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com
David Steele
Founder and CEO,
Relationship Coaching
Institute
Cindy Briolotta, President
Relationship Coaching Network
Copyright 2006 by ConsciousDating.org
All rights reserved.
Welcome!
This newsletter is designed especially for YOU
if you are single and ready to
"Find the Love of Your Life
AND the Life That You Love!"
Special Announcement
Conscious Dating Book Now Available
Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in TodayÕs World is now available for immediate shipping!
Visit www.consciousdating.com for FREE:
- Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter
of the book
- PDF download of three complete chapters
To order a copy of this book for yourself or a single friend or family member in time for the holidays, visit www.consciousdating.com or use this direct order link
FREE Audio CD with each book!
(available for a limited time while supplies last)
Ask Our Coaches:
What’s the Next Step?
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to Tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. She will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
This Month's Question: Husband Wanted: Running Out of Time
Dear Coaches,
I'm a 40 year old, divorced professional. I've been single for 2 years, don't
have any children but am still hoping that I can meet the right guy so I can
start a family. A family is my top priority. I'm running out of time and really
need to find someone who wants to get married and have children as much as I
do. Some of my friends have criticized me for my "obsession" with finding
someone. So far I haven't been very successful finding anyone. I tend to bring
up marriage and children in the first few dates and that seems to end things.
Maybe I sound a bit desperate, but my biological clock is ticking. What do you
think? Is it wrong for a woman to want children? Is there anything I can do to
find men who are still interested in having them?
Hillary from Hawaii
Ken responds …
There is nothing wrong with wanting children! Ignore your friends' criticisms and hold fast to your dreams. For many people parenthood is an important part of their role and purpose in life.
One way to get your questions answered without sounding desperate is to ask your date about his vision for his future. If all goes well in the next five years, what will his life look like? Where would he live? What would he be doing professionally? What things might he want to accomplish? Does he want to marry some day? Have children? Rather than telling him what you want, allow him to talk about himself and his dreams.
To find potential partners, think about where men who want children might work or spend their leisure time. Teachers and others in helping professions might be more inclined towards having a family and children. Perhaps there are volunteer or other organizations in your area that focus on kids. The key is finding venues of kindred spirits. Also, consider men who already have one child but who might want more.
Remember to have a positive attitude and the Law of Attraction will help you- "what you believe you can achieve."
Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
ken@bcccounseling.com | 301.907.3377,
ext. 3
Sandra responds …
You do sound a little desperate and that is always a put-off. It’s not a compliment to a man to want to marry him just for children. How would you feel if someone wanted to marry you for anything less than love?
Longing for a family is a legitimate desire. So, what can you do to fill that need? You might consider adoption. Many children are in need of loving homes, if you are willing to accept a slightly older child rather than a baby. Or perhaps, you could fill that need by being a foster parent. Maybe you could volunteer to work with children. The key is finding creative ways to take care of your own needs, rather than just hoping to be rescued by a man.
Keep in mind that as we find better ways of living our own lives and meeting our own needs, we’ll actually increase our chances of meeting someone who would like to do that along with us.
Sandra Rohr, MA | www.wellspringscoaching.com
sandy@wellspringscoaching | 714.774.8540
Peter responds …
You seem very attached to the outcome of marriage and children within a short
time period. If you're feeling desperate that your time is running out, the energy
you send out consciously and unconsciously is creating a reality of agitation,
which others can easily sense and feel. This turns men off. When engulfed in
worry and fear, you’re creating a reality that doesn't work out, thus reinforcing
your worry and fear. You may want to try focusing on patience. Try to have your
goals, while letting go of attachment to specific outcomes. Wayne Dyer says, "Infinite
patience brings immediate results."
Try this test. For two months, try engaging in some mind-body work focusing on
breathing and relaxation. Practice visualizing, in detail, what you want. Trust
your heart and your soul to guide events and circumstances and see what unfolds.
During this time, choose to transform the energy of your obsessing, worry and
fear into positively engaging in areas of your life where you feel you can be
more involved and productive.
Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. | SpiritHeart: Integrated Coaching
pvajda@spiritheart.net | 770.804.9125
Relationship Readiness Quiz
Did you know you can take the Relationship Readiness Quiz at www.consciousdating.org? Simply sign up for a free membership to enjoy the quiz as well as other resources developed by RCI Founder and CEO, David Steele.
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor
Valentine's Day For Singles
Soon it will be Valentine's Day. Not everyone has a special someone with whom
they can share this time. However, that doesn't mean you need to stay home or
be alone. We asked our RCI coaches to make some suggestions as to how you might
spend this day and celebrate its meaning.
Valentine's Day reminds us of love. To
live fulfilling, healthy lives, and to be a good partner with another person,
we need to love ourselves first.
When you’re single, you need to do for yourself the things a devoted partner
might do. Join some friends for dinner at a romantic restaurant. Order a lovely
bouquet of flowers for yourself. Book a massage, a facial, or both. Do a get-away
weekend alone or with friends. Show love for yourself in the way you would have
that special someone show it to you.
Ken Sprang | www.bcccounseling.com
ken@bcccounseling.com | 301.907.3377,
ext. 3
Valentine's Day is all about honoring love. Spend the day being grateful for all the love that you have already in your life. You might also want to spend some time envisioning your life as having all of the love that you could possibly want. How many different ways have you been loved in your life? How many different ways would you like to be loved? And, most importantly, how can you show and share love with others?
Michael Murray | Profound Connections
murray@profoundconnections.com |
647.477.2325
Love is not just for couples, it’s for everyone. Don’t define yourself by your relationship status. Make Valentine’s Day have its own meaning for you. Focus on the positive things that are going well in your life. Plan an evening out with friends or family, select your favorite outfit, your favorite restaurant and celebrate you and the love you already have in your life. If you plan to stay home, enjoy a pampering activity like a spa treatment, a makeover, a girl’s or guy’s night in. If you have children, plan a special activity, meal or evening celebrating the love you share.
Treat yourself special. Buy yourself a bouquet of your favorite flowers or
that special item that you’ve had your eye on. If you’re single and
want to create a love relationship, use one of many resources and tools available
at ConsciousDating.org to help you on the journey to creating the relationship
of your dreams!
Estelle Gibson | Journey To Freedom
estelle@journey-to-freedom.com |
937. 657.1873
Feature Article
9 Secrets to Living
Happily Ever After… Divorce
by Laurie Cameron
When you go through a divorce*, almost everything changes -- your daily routine, social connections, finances, living arrangements, time with your children, even your identity. You might be glad to just survive from one day to the next. Is it enough to stay in this survival mode? How do you turn the corner and begin to thrive?
* The term "divorce" applies to the break-up or ending of any long-term committed relationship, including same-sex unions, and common-law and traditional marriages.
SECRET #1: Accept What Is.
Are you spending a lot of time, or any time wishing things were different?
Do you keep focusing on how you think things “should” be? Stop struggling
with what you think your life is supposed to be like. It is the way it is. When
you stop fighting reality, you can use more energy to take action and live the
life you want to live. When you’re able to accept your life the way it
exists in the moment, you create the freedom to open up to the infinite possibilities
of how your life CAN be.
SECRET #2: Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life.
Your life is your responsibility, no one else's. You have no control over what happens to you, or what someone else does to you, but you do have control over how you respond. Taking 100% responsibility for your actions and responses means you have to remain in integrity.
Staying stuck in blame or victim mentality closes you off from the rest of the world. Taking responsibility allows you the space to acknowledge your part in the divorce, to learn from the experience, and to move forward with more confidence.
SECRET #3: Practice 2 Strategies for a Successful
Life.
Strategy 1: Figure out what's not working in your life and stop doing it.
Strategy 2: Figure out what works better and start doing that instead!
These two strategies may sound oversimplified, but they can sometimes be tricky to implement. Continuing to do what doesn't work in your life can be very frustrating. Until you explore what you want to do instead -- what works better -- it's nearly impossible to break old, toxic patterns and habits. Developing both of these strategies while you're adjusting to your divorce will help you move quickly toward a more effortless and joyful life.
SECRET #4: Take Extremely Good Care Of Yourself
(and your children).
When you put your own health and well-being first, you place
a personal priority on growth and positive change. Your outlook is better and
you adjust to your divorce more quickly and effectively. Do things that nurture
your mind, body and spirit.
Build your reserves of energy on a regular basis, and be selfish about protecting and maintaining those reserves. When you take good care of yourself, you also have more energy to help your children adapt, adjust and grow in healthy ways.
Remember that your children have their own needs during and after your divorce, and those needs might not be in alignment with yours. Listen well to them, and don’t put them in the middle. If you feel you're not strong enough to help your children during or after your divorce, find a professional who can.
SECRET #5: Create A Vision & Focus On It.
If you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there? Since you get what you focus on, you may as well focus on what you want! Vision and focus go hand-in-hand. Define your vision. If everything in your life were just right after your divorce, what would it look like and feel like? What is the best you can possibly imagine? When you have a clear vision, create a plan to help you stay focused on what you want. Define goals and action steps that will help you live your vision.
SECRET #6: Take Action.
It's not enough to have a vision and a plan; you must actually DO something with
them. It's easy to get caught in "overwhelm-induced inertia." To get
started, pick one thing you can do today to take one step towards living your
vision. If the action you choose still feels too big or too risky, keep breaking
it down until you have one thing you feel you can do today. No matter how small
it seems, JUST DO SOMETHING!
SECRET #7: Create A Fulfilling Single Life.
Being single is not a disease to be cured; it's a wonderful opportunity for growth. Living your life as a successful, fulfilled single adult after your divorce is the best way to attract the people and resources that can help you live your vision and fulfill your dreams. Focus on your own life and do what makes you feel strong, powerful and happy. Live your life on your terms, and say “NO” to everything and everybody that takes you away from your vision.
SECRET #8: Make Conscious Life Choices.
When you know who you are, what you want and what you value, your choices are more conscious. If your thoughts and actions are in alignment with your values, your decisions will take you toward your vision rather than away from it. When you make conscious life choices, you reclaim your own power and nobody can take that away from you.
SECRET #9: Expect To Be Human.
It's easy to be human – a wonderful work in progress; but sometimes it's a lot harder to actually accept that you're human. It's a waste of time and energy to beat yourself up for not doing what you think you should be doing or not being who you think you should be. You are who you are. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your child or best friend.
The joy of being human is the ability to learn from your mistakes, to grow and evolve, and to make better choices tomorrow than you did today. When you expect to be something other than what you are, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure, and you give your power away. When you expect to be human, you can see yourself with more loving eyes, and the possibilities for your life become endless!
BONUS SECRET: There Is No "Happily Ever
After"…
… There Is Only Happily Right NOW.
"Happily ever after" -- riding off into the sunset, with no more worries
or problems -- doesn't exist. You can't assume that you've "arrived" and
that you can switch your happiness to automatic pilot. Happiness is a moment-by-moment
choice. It's a choice that comes from that deeper place of "being-ness" inside
you. Within that place, your happiness is protected from external forces.
You can be happy no matter what's going on outside of you. When adjusting to
a divorce, there will be ups and downs. How you respond to each one of them is
your choice. Following these "Secrets" will help you be very successful
at Living Happily…Right NOW!
Copyright (c) 2006 Laurie Cameron. All rights reserved in all media. Laurie
Cameron, CC, MCRC, is the Happy After Divorce™ Coach. She works with men
and women who are ready to turn fear into focus and chaos into confidence, both
during and after their divorce. 303.740.0352 www.HappyAfterDivorce.com
Conscious Dating Resources
Visit our website at http://www.ConsciousDating.org and join for FREE cutting-edge information and tools for finding the love of your life, including:
-
Register for our 5-Day e-Program for Singles, "How To Find Your Life Partner"
-
Take our proprietary Relationship Readiness Quiz
-
Listen to outstanding audio programs such as "Find the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love" and "Conscious Dating for Relationship Success"
-
Access our Knowledge Bank for innovative relationship tools, strategies and concepts
-
Check out our talented RCI-trained Relationship Coaches at http://www.ConsciousDating.org/coach
Conscious Dating Coaches Around the World
The following are classes for singles being offered by Certified and Master RCI Coaches (trained by and affiliated with Relationship Coaching Institute). Some are offered locally, and some are teleclasses that you can join from wherever you are!
MICHIGAN
Are You Ready and Available for a Relationship?
When: Tuesday, February 14, 2006, 8:00 – 9:00 pm EST
Where: Teleclass, send a blank email to valentine1@aweber.com to
register
Contact: Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff,
Master Certified Relationship Coach for Singles
www.relationshipplanning.com,
248.723.1926
For More Information
ConsciousDating.org, a resource for singles offered by Relationship Coaching Institute, is a worldwide relationship coaching organization dedicated to helping you 'find the love of your life AND the life that you love'. For more information about us, please visit our web site at http://www.consciousdating.org
New! Free!
Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com
Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com
Conscious Relationship Articles
www.ConsciousRelationshipArticles.com
Tired of being alone? Get a Relationship Coach! Check out our coaches at: http://www.consciousdating.org/coach
NEW RELATIONSHIP? Congratulations in moving forward in your life partner quest! WHAT NOW?
Join PARTNERSINLIFE.ORG at http://www.PartnersInLife.org for cutting-edge information and resources for couples. You will be glad you did! Please share this with new couples that you care about.
Are you a coach or other helping professional who works with singles and couples? If you want to know more about adding the Conscious Dating Relationship Coaching tools to your professional toolbox, visit http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
Please share this newsletter with your single friends, family, and co-workers, and you can be a partner in their success, too!
Links to Us
Contact
Tara Alexandra Kachaturoff | Editor, ConsciousDating.org Newsletter for Singles tara@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
Visit our website for singles at www.ConsciousDating.org and become a member for Free!
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Copyright 2006 by ConsciousDating.org. All rights reserved. Feel free to share this with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.