This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to
who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
THIS MONTH'S QUESTION: "My family wants me to visit during the holidays. My boyfriend's parents want him to visit them, too. We want to celebrate the holidays together. What do we do?"
THE COACHES RESPOND:
MARI ANSWERS:
This sounds like an excellent opportunity for you and your boyfriend to work together as a team, a true partnership, and create a resolution that works for you both.
Depending on how long you've been a couple, hopefully your respective families will honor your wishes. I'd encourage you to sit down and brainstorm with your boyfriend what the most important aspects, values and experiences are for you both during the Holiday Season. Then, perhaps you can come up with a solution such as choosing to spend one significant day with your family, another significant day with his family and the rest of the time doing your own thing together. Or maybe you can create a special celebration together and invite both families?
TOP 10 TOXIC THOUGHTS KEEPING YOU FROM FINDING YOUR TRUE LOVE
By Linda Lovejoy
Are your toxic thoughts causing you to give up on love or settle for less than what you want and deserve? Persevering in today's dating jungle can be a daunting task. Do not despair. Seek the help of a relationship coach to be a winner in the game of LOVE!
TOXIC THOUGHT 1: All the good ones are taken.
REMEDY 1: If you're not happy with the type of person you are attracting, take a look at the type of person you are. Address your own flaws first and become the type of person you'd like to date. The Law of Attraction is paramount in seeking a partner. “Birds of a feather flock together” rings true in the dating arena. If you possess the qualities that you want in a partner, the Law of Attraction will work for you. Just be patient, believe, and persevere!
TOXIC THOUGHT 2: I have to take what I get; I can't be choosey.
REMEDY 2: You must be willing to walk away from what you don't want so that you can be available for what you do want.
TOXIC THOUGHT 3: “Soul Mates” or “True Love” does not exist.
REMEDY 3: Start believing that quality relationships exist. Look at happily married couples and know if they have a happy relationship, you can too!
TOXIC THOUGHT 4: LOVE = PAIN.
REMEDY 4: You must resolve the emotional pain and baggage from your past before you can be emotionally open enough to have the quality relationship you desire. After all, you are 50% of the relationship.
TOXIC THOUGHT 5: Nobody can love me.
REMEDY 5: You must first learn to love yourself. If you hate yourself, chances other will pick up on your negative vibes and respond in like manner.
TOXIC THOUGHT 6: I'm too ____________ (fat, ugly, poor, old).
REMEDY 6: Just go to the mall and watch the multitude of couples walking hand in hand who are fat, ugly, poor, or old. Let it sink into your head: beauty is in the eye of the beholder! Love is available for all.
TOXIC THOUGHT 7: LOVE = Ball and Chain.
REMEDY 7: If you experience a partnership as bondage, sometimes lack of communication is the culprit. Identify the amount of space that you need in a relationship to be happy and learn how to communicate your desire to your potential partner. Also recognize that a relationship requires some give and take for it to be healthy and fulfilling for both partners.
TOXIC THOUGHT 8: I failed in a past relationship, so I'll am doomed to fail again.
REMEDY 8: Performing an autopsy on a failed relationship can be a very valuable tool in helping you understand which areas you need to improve to be more successful in your next relationship. Then, be willing to acquire or develop the skills needed.
TOXIC THOUGHT 9: I'm a loser magnet.
REMEDY 9: Low self-esteem and poor boundaries are usually the culprit here. Get it deep into your soul that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and don't tolerate anything less.
TOXIC THOUGHT 10: I am afraid of abandonment.
REMEDY 10: Alfred, Lord Tennyson, says it best “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” We must take risks, if we are going to find true love. Resolve your abandonment issues and be willing to risk rejection in order to experience the greatest gift in life: LOVE.
