Member News

June 2003

This page contains selected content from this month's "Conscious Dating Singles News."

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ASK OUR COACHES

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to

who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

THIS MONTH'S QUESTION:

"I want to place a personal profile on an online dating site. I'm not what you would call really good-looking, and am a little self conscious. Should I include my picture?"

THE COACHES RESPOND:

PATTI ANSWERS:
I recommend you find a way to get a professional make-over. Have your hair and makeup done by professionals and then get a picture done by a good studio. All of this will probably make you feel more attractive and will have you put forth the best initial image as possible. I also recommend that you make sure that what you feel are the "attractive" qualities you represent in your profile. Good Luck!

Patti Lustig
Happily Ever After: The Path to the Love of Your Dreams
http://www.happy-everafter.com
612-287-0387

LINDA ANSWERS:
Dear Self-Conscious,

It is standard protocol on most online dating sites for the participant to post a picture. Studies show that profiles with a picture get many more responses. Do yourself a favor and get a professionally done photo saved into a JPG format. Make sure your photo is recent and accurately portrays you.

I'd also suggest that you work with a relationship coach or therapist to work on your confidence and self-esteem. There is nothing more attractive than a person who likes himself or herself and has an award-winning smile that comes with being confident and self-assured.

May You Always Experience Love and Joy,

Linda Lovejoy, MA, LMHC, Lovejoy Coaching
lindalovejoy@yahoo.com, 727 394-2198
http://consciousdating.org/coach/LindaLovejoy.htm

MIKE ANSWERS:
Hi, Self-Conscious ... (join the club :)

Two answers ...
Number one ... If you want responses, place your photo online. (Statistics show that responses are something like ten times greater for folks who display photos.) And remember ... WE are the ones most critical of ourselves in most cases. You're likely being much harder on yourself than others are. Only a tiny percentage of the population is 'gorgeous,' 'beautiful,' 'handsome,' etc. The rest of us merely wonder why they're so unhappy all the time ...

Number two ... the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with is going to be EXCITED to see your photo :) They've been WAITING to meet you! So your concern need not be about the 98% who will NOT be attracted to you (physically, emotionally, spiritually, and all other areas), but about the 2% who WILL. No reason to 'hide' yourself to be revealed at a later date. 'God doesn't make junk.' ... You're a keeper! We're all merely looking for the one who will RECOGNIZE that in us, huh? :)

Mike McCartney, Mike@SingleChristianSolutions.Com
Scottsdale, Arizona, http://www.SinglesOfFaith.Com

LORELEI ANSWERS:
By not showing your picture, are you hoping to form a solid connection prior to their seeing you so there will be enough to sustain a relationship, even if they aren't looking at an extremely attractive person? I understand your thinking. When we experience a person's beauty on the inside, we are more attracted to the outside.

If you are more comfortable not showing your picture right away, perhaps this is the way to go for you, or at least a way to start. I would advise you, however, to include this part of yourself early. It is only one part of who you are, but is as important as the others. The right person will see your beauty even when you can't. Best of luck to you!

Lorelei von Kluck, M.Ed.
Your Life, Phase 2
P.O. Box 393, Hudson, OH. 44236
330-650-5193

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