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Member News February 2003
ASK OUR COACHESThis column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.THIS MONTH'S QUESTION: "'My name is Debbie I am 45, single and legally blind. I read the letter you wrote to the other lady who was legally blind. I very much agree with her attitude about the vision problem. I have a question though. If you are considering dating someone met on the internet should you make a point of telling them about the visual impairment? '" THE COACHES RESPOND: KEN ANSWERS: The more upfront you can be about yourself, the more likely you will be to find the person who will accept you, all of you, for who you are. Remember, the value of the internet dating process is that it allows you to do some very good screening upfront, before you make any big commitments. I do believe you can get very creative, in fact, about how you would want to phrase it. Perhaps something about being visually challenged, but having a great life vision. I hope this helps and best to you.
TRISH ANSWERS:
JIM ANSWERS: Proceeding with caution in internet dating and you should not have to suppress who you are. Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize you started to attract your right partner precisely when you decided you were good enough to never hide again.
SORAYA ANSWERS: Everyone typically has something to share that could be a potential show-stopper (children, smoker, impairments) and being up front about it usually works out best. I don't think it will hurt if you give it a try. Who knows - it could even help you since sharing who you are -- your authentic self -- can be VERY attractive!
SUZANNE ANSWERS: Yes, I would share your visual impairment. This is you. And, yes, you will lose some potential partners and that is okay because acceptance really ought to be a requirement in interpersonal relationships. I have friends, a married couple, and he is legally blind from a genetic disorder, and I can see the challenges but I also see the love and communication between them. I'm hoping that you accept your blindness because that comes first. You sound like a cool woman. Good luck in every part of your life.
FEATURE ARTICLEIT'S VALENTINE'S DAY AND I'M ALONE AGAIN Does this feel familiar? Maybe you WANT a relationship but you just aren't sure you feel ready. Or, if you look at your past experiences, you find yourself scared and a little unsure about the world of relationships. Perhaps you are asking yourself questions like these:
Well, how do you feel NOW??? Ready to move into relationship or thoroughly depressed? Let's address some of these questions: WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? Well, it might be that you are doing nothing wrong - except that you are not really clear on who YOU are and what YOU want. Spending some time getting clarity around that BEFORE getting into a relationship can reap BIG dividends. ISN'T THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WITH WHOM I CLICK? Of course there is! I wonder, though, if you are looking in the right places? Take a look at the things that really interest you and go to the places where those types of people go. Maybe you DO go to those places but still don't meet anyone. Perhaps you just need some practice on how to approach people. Talk with people who do that well and learn from them. MAYBE I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Take this readiness quiz. (Taken in part from the readiness quiz at ConsciousDating.com) ARE you? Just answer yes or no to the following questions.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEN AND WOMEN? Probably nothing that a little real communication couldn't fix. By real, I mean, each person MUST show up being totally who they are, not what they think they NEED to be to please another person. MAYBE I'M JUST TOO PICKY. Well, it is good to be VERY clear about what are your requirements. A requirement is non-negotiable, but there is some wiggle room for things that you want and need. Sometimes keeping those clearly defined is tough. Spend some time thinking through these things by making a list. If you can live without something, it's not a requirement, but if the relationship would be doomed without it, then it IS a requirement. MAYBE I'M NOT ENOUGH. Take a good look here. Are there some things here that NEED some attention. If there are things about you that bother YOU, get the help you need to do something about it. If they don't bother you, but OTHERS comment, release that. WHY IS IT THAT EVERYONE I'M ATTRACTED TO, ISN'T ATTRACTED TO ME? Is the real you coming out? Or do you shrink back? Again, getting clarity around who you are AND getting clarity on your own limiting belief system could do wonders for you. Here's a suggestion.
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