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Member News January 2003
ASK OUR COACHESThis column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.THIS MONTH'S QUESTION: "'What would you suggest to set up a safe first date with someone?'" THE COACHES RESPOND: MIKE ANSWERS: Our answer... a lighthearted, 45-minute cup of coffee in a public place. There are several benefits: -It's low pressure ... neither party feels the compulsion to impress the other with their choice of venue. -It's physically and emotionally safe ... lots of folks around, well-lit, no pressure or obligation. -It's easy to get 'in-and-out' if you sense the need or desire ... it's not a several hour commitment with someone you may want to be away from within mere minutes. -There are no hurt feelings from dashed expectations ... it's 'merely' a cup of coffee (both parties can easily mask/hide their anticipation behind a 'it'll just be fun to get to know each other briefly as friends.') -It's flexible ... if both parties want to extend the 45-minutes, they're free to do so, or if both want to do a SECOND cup (or dinner or whatever) they now both know they're ready for a bit deeper commitment of time and energy. Summary ... start lighthearted with little commitment required, then move deeper as circumstances (and participants :) dictate. Have fun!
DAVID ANSWERS: I also have a rule of thumb for first dates that says 'face-to-face rather than side-by-side.' At a restaurant you can sit across from each other and chat while reading each other's body language. On a walk in a park, you are next to each other and can't see the body cues as easily. Face-to-face situations also leave less opportunity for inappropriate body contact that can sometimes come unexpectedly when side-by-side. Most of all, plan something that will be fun and allow you to get to know each other better.
SANDEE ANSWERS: If you follow my suggestion you will have your car available if for some reason you want to end the date and leave. Meet your date somewhere that is very public, such as a restaurant or coffee shop, somewhere that is very comfortable for coffee or dessert. That way you can talk and get to know each other. You will probably have a very nice time and enjoy your date's company, but it is always a good idea to be cautious rather than sorry. If your date turns out to be somebody you would like to see again, then, of course, make those plans. If your date turns out to be someone you would not want to continue to see, just say 'goodbye' and end the evening. Look on the bright side, you met someone new, you had a pleasant evening, you considered your needs and requirements and decided against this particular person and your next date will most likely be better!
TAMARA ANSWERS: When meeting someone for a first date, arrange to meet in a busy public place such as a coffee house, cafe, or restaurant. Park your car in a well busy and well-lit area away from the meeting place. This way, if you discover that you do not want to be bothered by this person again, you can walk to your car alone and the person should not know much more than your name.
MICHELLE ANSWERS: I would often meet in a hotel coffee shop for coffee. I would VERY, VERY RARELY meet a first date for dinner. Coffee is easy, non-threatening and if you get on well, then you can take it from there. I would not meet for a drink (alcohol) just to keep it light and easy. Coffee can be done at any time of the day. Make sure you tell someone where you are going. Always go in your own car and meet the person at the allocated spot. I would not feel very comfortable having the person meet me at my place as until I know them I would not like them knowing my address. Hope this helps!
FEATURE ARTICLEMAKING RESOLUTIONS STICK IN 2003!By Laurie Cameron It's time to ring in another New Year. It's time for a brand new batch of New Year's Resolutions. And it's time to wonder why you still can't keep them. How many resolutions have you made in past years? And how many have you kept? Have you given up on them altogether? Well, you're not alone! New Year's Resolutions are really no different than other goals we create in order to make our lives better and more fulfilling. They just seem to be given more weight at this time of year. Which means when we are not able to follow through on the changes we want to make, our disappointment and frustration also carries more weight. Through working with my coaching clients I have identified some of the reasons that New Year's Resolutions don't work. Do any of these look familiar?
So what do you do with all this information about why resolutions don't work? Create strategies that DO work! Here are some things you can do to ensure that you stick to your New Year's Resolutions in 2003.
Just because you've had limited or no success with them in the past, New Year's Resolutions don't have to be thrown out with the baby and the bath water. If there's something more or different you want in your life, and you feel that January is the time to begin making the necessary changes, then go for it! Just go about the process with clarity and intention, and learn how to make conscious choices. Here's to a wonderfully abundant 2003!
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