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Member News December 2002
ASK OUR COACHESThis column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.THIS MONTH'S QUESTION: "I have a new dentist I met about a year ago. I feel an attraction for this man, and feel somehow compelled to asking him if he's interested in getting to know each other, he's very friendly, I think he is single, but I am not completely sure. It is a difficult situation because I would not want to lose him as our family dentist,there is no replacement in this city for someone like him. He is a mercury free dentist and it is difficult to find someone you can work with and like. What do you think? Some days I feel it is worth the risk of making the move, but I really don't want to do something that is inappropriate, and at the same time I feel I am losing an opportunity to meet someone who is very nice." THE COACHES RESPOND: PATTI ANSWERS: Also have your friend let him know whether or not he is interested you are committed to maintaining your relationship as dentist and patient. Make sure your friend lets him know how much you appreciate him as your dentist and that you do not want to do anything that would impact that relationship negatively. Good Luck!
PAULA ANSWERS: Is there some way you can steer the conversation to discover his availability; perhaps a friend could do the detective work for you? Secondly, he might feel it inappropriate to ask out a patient. I'm not sure what the rules are for dentists, but in Australia, in any case, for doctors and psychologists it is definitely forbidden! Thirdly, he is a man-it would be nice if he made the first move. No doubt, with your beautiful smile that he is helping you gain, you can make it clear you could be caught if he were to pursue! Otherwise, maintain him as your dentist and keep an eye out for people who are more available and pro-active!
MARI ANSWERS: If you have taken the RESTS program and are clear on your Requirements, you may want to have a brief conversation with your dentist similar to the Power Introduction - on the phone if that's more comfortable for you. If you are sure it's still a green (or yellow!) light, go ahead and suggest a meeting. Something simple like a walk in the park or going for a coffee so you can find out if he meets all your Requirements. As for losing him as your family dentist, that is completely in your control. I would encourage you to make the move!
LYNN ANSWERS: My suggestion is to casually strike up a conversation with the dental assistant. I can assure you she knows everything about this man. She can tell you his marital status and possibly offer suggestions on the best way to approach this particular individual. She may even be able to help promote your venture. If there isn't an assistant available, next option would be the receptionist. Or, you could ask to speak with the assistant about a private matter. (They love that!). Good luck and Go For It!!! You won't lose a family dentist over this.
BARRY ANSWERS: If you put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if you had a patient like you? Would you be offended or uncomfortable if a patient told you that he was attracted to you? Would you be flattered? Would you be appreciative that he took the risk to tell you his true feelings? Would you be free to answer honestly? When we are authentic, we give others the opening to be authentic as well. I've been in your situation myself and by being authentic about my feelings, the outcome has always been a positive one, and I've become closer to the person I was afraid at first to be authentic with. Of course there is the risk that he will react negatively, so you must be the one to decide whether the risk is worth taking. I wish you the best of luck.
FEATURE ARTICLEYOUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFT "Tis the Season..." This is the time of year when we cannot go anywhere without being inundated with what has become the greatest emphasis of the holiday season - purchasing gifts for the ones we love. Television, radio, newspapers, magazines, stores, malls and billboards all serve to inform us as to the best size, shape, color and price tag for the wrappable expressions of our love. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you should not take pleasure in selecting just the right gifts for your family and friends. Receiving a "Thanks, I love it!", a smile, or a hug make it a joy to give. What I want to suggest is that you explore how our gift-giving expectations are very difficult and stressful to live up to. Are you thinking you have to spend a certain amount of money on gifts in order for people to know you love them? Do you find yourself sinking into anxiety or working yourself into a frenzy over what to give whom? As odd as it may sound, you can relieve some of that anxiety by actually giving one more gift to each person on your list. You can give the most precious gift of all - the gift of YOU! Being a Smart Single is knowing that you ARE a gift to this world - to your family, your friends, and to everyone you meet. Your heart, your soul, your humor, your talents, your energy and your love are all wrapped up in one beautiful, one-of-a-kind package. When you give the gift of yourself, when you can BE the gift, it is unlike any gift anyone else can give. There are so many different ways you can BE the gift. You are only limited by your own creativity. Here are some ideas, what other ways can you think of? GIVE THE GIFT OF YOUR TIME:
GIVE THE GIFT OF YOUR TALENTS:
GIVE THE GIFT OF YOUR SPIRIT:
GIVE THE GIFT TO YOURSELF:
Being a Smart Single is all about "Conscious Living". Living your life in a conscious way starts with knowing who you are and what you value, then making your decisions based on that knowledge. How you spend your time is your choice. Making these choices consciously at this time of year is a bit trickier. It takes extra planning, intention and awareness. During this holiday season, choose to do what nourishes you and your family, and let go of anything that's not consistent with what you value. Choose to BE the gift! Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, or any combination thereof, I wish you a Holiday Season that is safe, and filled with family, friends, and FUN! I also wish for Peace & Light in your life and in the world.
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