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November 2002

This page contains selected content from this month's "Conscious Dating Singles News."

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ASK OUR COACHES

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to

who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

THIS MONTH'S QUESTION:

"I've connected with some nice men through personal ads (print as well as internet), and have felt attracted to them over the phone. The problem is, when I meet them in person things seem very different. How can I decide whether or not to meet someone in person?"

THE COACHES RESPOND:

CHARLIE ANSWERS:
I'd be curious about what seems to be "different" for you when you meet these men in person. I suspect that, if you consider the sources of your disappointment in these encounters you might notice the specific factors or traits that fell short of your expectations. In doing so, you'll not only be gaining more information for yourself about some potential requirements or needs which are important to you, but you'll also be determining some criteria you might use for "pre-qualifying" these people before you meet in person. If there are some physical aspects or personality traits which repeatedly show up as "turn-offs" for you, find out what your need to know about these things before arranging to meet, thereby saving both of you time, frustration, and disappointment.

Charlie Siegel
E-mail: coachcharlie@theperfectpath.com
Web: www.theperfectpath.com
626-799-5611

PATTI ANSWERS:
I have found this to be a consistent issue for most of my single clients who attempt to meet people via the internet or print ads. I would recommend being extremely blunt with the potential person regarding who and what you want out of meeting someone and to trust your instinct beyond attraction. I also recommend you take on your Vision fervently in your life and open your eyes to who shows up around you. Most of my clients find their mates this way.

Patti Lustig
Happily Ever After: The Quest for the Life of Your Dreams
Phone: 612-287-0387
Email: plustig@mn.rr.com
www.happy-everafter.com

SANDEE ANSWERS:
In person, people are always different than we might expect. Haven't you ever spoken to someone on the phone, had an image in your mind of what that person would look like and then were totally astonished when you finally physically saw that person because he or she was completely the opposite of what you expected?

The same is somewhat true here. But the key to deciding whether or not to meet someone in person is to get as much information as possible about the person. Don't rush the initial "in person" meeting. Have many conversations, ask many, and I mean *many*, questions. Being inquisitive is a very smart move on your part. Get to know as much about this person as you can. Then, and only then, rely on your intuition to help you decide if a face-to-face meeting in order.

If you don't feel sure...listen to your gut feelings, he is probably not the one for you! If you feel comfortable, have that meeting and have a wonderful time!

Sandee Abern
SandeeAbern@aol.com

FEATURE ARTICLE

Stop Looking, Start Attracting
By Yvonne Chase

So you think you have found Mr. or Mrs. Right. When the two of you go out you have a great time and can't wait till the next time. He/she has great social skills and is attentive to your needs. This person looks good, smells good, listens to you, communicates well, is affectionate and compassionate, and seems to be everything you would want in a partner. This person is definitely someone you would take home to meet the parents.

In the corner of your mind, the question resonates; "but how do I know for sure if this is the one? I've been down this road before and my feelings were hurt really bad. I don't want to go down that road again but if I don't take a chance, I could lose out on someone really wonderful!"

Many singles in their quest to find a life partner go through this same scenario over and over again. Each time we take a chance on someone new, there is that possibility of getting our feelings hurt and being disappointed or there is the other possibility of enjoying a really wonderful experience with a wonderful human being.

If we get our feelings hurt and experience disappointment too many times, this can leave us feeling insecure – wondering if something is wrong with us. We can build up walls and not let any one in pushing us further away from finding our life partner or we can just go into a world of seclusion and live a life alone because of fear.

Having the life and relationship we really want requires clarity about the gap between where we are and where we want to be. It is up to us to take full responsibility and apply conscious effort to close that gap before we can expect to get what we want.

The Law of Attraction states the following:

  1. You will attract a partner that mirrors who you are and where you are in your life.
  2. What's inside shows up on the outside.
  3. "If you build it, they will come."

The Law of Attraction can work to your advantage! You don't need to find the needle in the haystack or wait for the Knight in Shining Armor. Instead, you can focus on creating the life that you want, knowing that the people and opportunities will show up as you do so.

So how does one live a smart single life and attract your life partner in the process?

…By learning who you are.

1. What are your values?
Values are principles, qualities and beliefs that are important to you. When you live in integrity with your values, you experience positive self-esteem and purpose in life.

2.What is your Life Purpose?
Your Life Purpose consists of the difference you want to make while you are alive and the legacy you want to leave behind when you are gone.

3.What Vision do you have for your life?
Your vision consists of inner images (thoughts, feelings, pictures etc.) about the future life that you really want. Acts as your inner guidance system, driving you toward certain choices and away from other choices.

Your Vision provides the foundation for your happiness, from which your goals and strategies emerge. "What you can conceive, you can achieve." As mentioned earlier, the "Law of Attraction" dictates that "what is inside shows up on the outside," and developing your Vision is the first step in achieving the life and relationship that you really want.

So as we can see, fulfillment in a relationship depends upon knowing yourself and what will make you truly happy. Many of us spend more time preparing for a job interview, purchasing a car or looking for an apartment than we do preparing to be the right life partner.

Don't just end up in a relationship or leave your life partner choice to sheer luck or chemistry. Be proactive and "choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness or misery."---H. Jackson Brown, "Life's Little Instruction Book."

Yvonne Chase
Butterflycoaching@yahoo.com
www.butterflycoaching.com
718.284.3038