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Member News June 2002
ASK OUR COACHESThis column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.THIS MONTH'S QUESTION:
THE COACHES RESPOND: DAVE ANSWERS: Do you really believe you are doing something wrong or is it just a little impatience raising its head?? Remember... you've worked hard to become relationship ready and although you're actively networking to attract the Love of Your Life, your future partner may only just now be starting to develop a dating readiness :-) While you're waiting, continue learning to become comfortable spending time with yourself... it's a critical ability to develop!! I recommend taking yourself out on a date. You really can have a lot of fun whether you choose to have a bottle of wine or not :-) Besides, when you're at the movies, the restaurant or the bookstore, serendipity may just knock on your shoulder! I'm totally convinced we all get the chance to find our heart-mate... sometimes becoming 'aware' also means learning to increase our level of patience.
YVONNE ANSWERS: Based on the way that your question is written - I get the feeling that you are waiting for your partner to show up on your doorstep. I also get the feeling that you are putting so much emphasis on finding this person that you are becoming frustrated. What I would like to suggest to you is that you take your focus off of finding the right life partner and shift your focus over to being the right life partner. Would you want to connect with someone who was thinking and feeling the same way you were when you wrote this question? Now that you have laid all of the groundwork (requirements, vision, dating plan etc.) you can go out and live your life to the fullest.
SUZANNE ANSWERS: I wonder what it would be like for you to be in the present as a *successful single* and enjoy what's happening in your world right now. It's funny that when we stop efforting, what we are looking for comes to us. Hold an open space of optimism and joy and don't panic.
ROBERT ANSWERS: The question "Am I attractive to the one I am attracted to?" comes to mind. Some of this reflects on your traits and values. Are you looking for someone who is very different than you? (i.e. You want a wealthy professional, and you show up looking like you just got off work at the coal mine. or You want to live on a yacht but you now live in Montana.) If so maybe there are some growth opportunities which will move you closer to creating a balanced relationship, or you may need to make some changes to access more opportunities.
FEATURE ARTICLESoul Mate Attraction - The Sting Behind Her Stickerby Tom Volkar Sitting at a stop light I was thinking about resistance and how some singles say that they want to attract a soul mate but in practice they are actually driving one away. Just then, I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It said: "I WASN'T BORN A BITCH - MEN LIKE YOU MADE ME THAT WAY". Here was a great lesson in blaming others and resistance all in one powerful statement. Even though I was available and looking for a woman at that time, I suddenly had no interest in meeting the attractive but bitter woman behind the wheel. I wonder if she was looking to meet a man. If so, I wonder how many men said "no way," when they felt the sting behind her sticker. As a relationship coach I'm always amazed at the misguided generalizations made by singles. Have you heard or maybe said something like these yourself? "All the good men/women are taken." -"Pittsburgh is a bad singles town." -"The Internet doesn't work, there are only weirdoes and liars online." The list of soul-mate repelling, limiting beliefs are endless, and every one of them is coming true for the speaker and thinker of them. It takes two things to attract:
So, how about the sting behind your sticker? If your core thoughts about being single were printed on a bumper sticker, would they tend to attract or repel potential partners? If what you are thinking became reality, would you be pleased with the results? If you're saying or even thinking these things you're actually resisting the very thing that you want. Even if you're trying your best to be authentic, your signals aren't being received because you're also broadcasting your limiting beliefs. Your inconsistency is confusing for the Universe and confusing for any potential partners that happen to appear on your radar screen. Here's the truth as I see it: Do yourself and your potential soul mates a big favor. Begin today to show up in full, authentic glory. That's so they can feel you when they see you. Then make it easy for them to be attracted to you by systematically examining how you actually resist what you say you want. See these thoughts and statements for the bad vibes that they are and stop sending them out! I would like to encourage you to put some positive punch behind your sticker. How would yours read if you knew, beyond all doubt, that many potentially perfect partners are right now looking for someone just like you? They are, you know. Act as if you know that to be true and you'll draw them close enough to feel your special sweetness. Tom Volkar ~ CORESIGHT ~ 724-348-7921 |
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