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February 2002

This page contains selected content from this month's "Conscious Dating Singles News."

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ASK OUR COACHES

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your questions to

who will forward them to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

THIS MONTH'S QUESTION:

"Valentine's Day is such a difficult time for me. All I see are ads for romantic things couples can do. It's so depressing. What can I do differently this year?"


THE COACHES RESPOND:

LAUREN ANSWERS:
This is a great time to focus on nurturing yourself. Take yourself on a date and revel in the freedom to make all the decisions! Or treat yourself to something special like a massage. Do something you haven't done in years that you really enjoy - perhaps horseback riding or getting out your paints. The important thing is to reinforce to yourself that you are worthy of joy and pleasure all by yourself. Focus on what you do have in your life rather than what you don't have. Consciously express your gratitude for the parts of your life that you love and an amazing thing will happen…you'll start to find a lot more to love coming into your life! Send yourself a valentine - tell yourself how much you love and appreciate who you are and who you are becoming. Celebrate the glorious person you are in your own right - and watch how this positive energy begins to draw exciting new people into your life!

Lauren Wilkins, CPC
Coach Lauren "Give Wings to Your Dreams"
Lauren@coachlauren.com, http://www.coachlauren.com
805-569-2564

KATHERIN ANSWERS:
The key to enjoyment during holiday periods is making holidays reflective of how you live your life the rest of the year. If you are single and not in a relationship, but you have lots of friends that you spend time with, plan to do something with your friends this Valentines Day. And take a closer look at those ads. Which ones are reflective of how you would like to spend your time? Use this information as you define your requirements, needs and wants for a relationship. Get focused and create the life that you want for yourself. Imagine what your life could be like by next Valentines Day. then take action!

Katherin Scott
CoachKatherin@yahoo.com
425-681-2620

BARRY ANSWERS:
It is common for those who are not in a relationship at the time of Valentine's Day to feel lonely and left out on February 14th. This is a special day that has been set-aside in order to honor "love", and most commonly in America, it is most famous for being a time of celebrating "romantic love". When Valentine's Day rolls around this year choose to fill your day with gratitude for all the love that is available from family and friends throughout the year. Contact family members and special friends to let them know of their importance to you and to share your gratitude for the love and the connection you experience. You might be amazed at how this change of perspective and action of gratitude can alter your experience of Valentine's Day. This day might now be filled with love and appreciation, whereas before you might have experienced fear, resentment and loneliness. So as the 14th of February approaches and you find yourself missing that special love-one in your life, remember to feel and express love to yourself and those close to you. Make plans to spend time with other single friends and enjoy your friendships and connections. Allow this day to be what it was originally intended to be, a day of celebrating love.

Barry Teller M.S. - Dallas, Texas (972) 562-4080 / barryteller@hotmail.com
Barry's ConsciousDating web Page: http://www.ConsciousDating.com/coach/bteller.htm

MARITA ANSWERS:
Although Valentine's Day is the celebration of the love between couples there is no reason why you can't choose to celebrate the other loving relationships in your life. In a healthy, full life the relationship with your partner is only one piece of the "love" puzzle. Why not send cards to the loving friends, family , co-workers and neighbors that have supported you over the past year? Let them know the qualities they have that add to your enjoyment of life. Once you shift your focus from the romantic love that is not in your life right now to the love that is around you every day, you might feel like celebrating too!

Marita Dullard
Ph: 612 99049293, Fax: 612 99049263
e-mail:marita@ lifebychoice.com.au

MIKE ANSWERS:
How about, "BECOME somebody's Valentine :)"
Pick a rest home or a hospital or an orphanage or a prison (eh) or whatever where you can go light up the life of ANOTHER person who's also missing a Valentine :)
Two hearts get lit for the price of one ... who can beat it?

Mike McCartney
Scottsdale (Phoenix) Arizona
(602) 277-9000
Mike@SingleChristianSolutions.com
http://www.SingleChristianSolutions.co

FEATURE ARTICLE

15 Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day as A Single

By Rachna Jain

It's Valentine's Day, and you're currently without a significant other. This small, but crucial, fact can mean the difference between enjoying this holiday, or ranking it as one of the year's low points (and hey, it's only February). It's not enough that red, white, and pink roses are popping up everywhere, and there are ONLY mushy cards in the card store, and all the commercials focus on just how incredibly diamond studded Valentine's Day could be- for you- IF you were in a romantic relationship. What's billed as the "most romantic night" of the year for couples can leave singles feeling a bit odd and left out, to say the least.

What's a single person to do?

1) First, recognize that you're definitely not the only one. The US Census Bureau estimates that more than 80 million people will spend this holiday as a single.

2) Decide what your vision is for Valentine's Day. Is it a day you want to celebrate? Or would you prefer to treat it like just another day? If you choose the latter, then go through your normal routine for February 14, knowing that February 15 will arrive and life will be back to normal-(at least until next year)

3) If you choose to celebrate Valentine's Day, consider making it a date night- with yourself. Make or order your favorite meal, chill something wonderful to drink. Rent a favorite movie, or buy a new book- whatever makes you feel special and cherished. Make this night sacred time for you to think your thoughts and dream your dreams.

4) If you've been invited to a Valentine's Day party, definitely considering going. There's a pretty good chance that you'll meet some other singles to spend time with. This is especially important if you belong to a church or social group which is hosting an event- this could be a high level attraction venue for you, as it will draw others with similar backgrounds or interests. Make sure you look and feel your best.

5) If you have several single friends, consider throwing your own Valentine's Day party. Have every invitee bring a guest- you're likely to meet new people and have fun doing so!

6) If throwing a party feels like too much work, consider getting a group together to go out for dinner and/or dancing. Try to go to a "fun" restaurant- Planet Hollywood, Hard Rock Cafe-someplace that is too loud for intimate dinners.

7) Use this day to try (or buy) something new. Pick up a hobby or a craft, cook a new kind of cuisine, work on a home decorating or improvement project. Time will pass quickly while you're beautifying your life and surroundings.

8) Exercise today! This will clear your skin, tone your body, and keep the endorphins flowing. You'll also feel more relaxed and will sleep better.

9) If you like children, consider offering to watch your friends' children. You may have a great time baking cookies and building furniture forts, while earning your friends' gratitude in the process.

10) Spend Valentine's Day giving and sharing your talents with other people. Give of yourself on this day- maybe by volunteering or helping out- you'll find yourself tapping in to great joy.

11) Use the night to catch up on your overdue correspondence- emails, letters, thank you cards. It's another way of reaching out and staying in touch. Plus it will be a relief to clear those off your "to-do" list.

12) Consider spending the evening listening to live music, or hanging out at a local coffee house or bookstore cafe. You can do your own thing, but still be with other people.

13) Draw names and trade Valentines with your friends. They can be fun, or silly, but they are a great way to solidify your friendships.

14) Use the night to catch up on your sleep. Get ready for bed a bit earlier, and wind down sooner. Americans are generally sleep deprived, so catch up when you can!

15) Finally, remind yourself that by not spending Valentine's Day with just anyone, you're taking great care of YOU and preparing for a wonderful, life-long relationship!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dr. Rachna D. Jain, Licensed Psychologist & Life Coach
Email: coach@maximalhappiness.com
Website: http://www.maximalhappiness.com
Phone: (410) 772-3758 or 1-866-9COACH9